wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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