remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
