He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
