Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
