New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
