So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
