i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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