It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
