You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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