And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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