Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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