i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
