Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drunk is not a location!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
