Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
