Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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