WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
