My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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