I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
