final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
