Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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