I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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