The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
