you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
