She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
