just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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