You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
