I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
