Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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