Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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