Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
