So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
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Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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