he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize