so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
