I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
