South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
