he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.