I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dating After Heartbreak
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same