Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.