Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
