I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
