I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
