the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
