Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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