i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize