come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
