How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
