One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
