I didn't shave. On purpose
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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