My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is the high leading the old right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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