so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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