Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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