He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
