It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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