your parents love me but you hate me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
