I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
