Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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