i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
