and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
