listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
