Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
