I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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