i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
