did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
