before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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